Eunuchu?

Madam.

What solemnity is that the Citty celebrates?

Why, is Iulia dead?

I hope your Ladiship—

True Madam.

Remoue a while.

At your seruice Lady. stand aside.

Amada.

My loue and duty.

Alone?

My mothers Eunuch

How fares Iulia?

Liues as you cōmanded, vnseene & priuate.

Thy mothers dead.

Defend it heauens

Dead: no more: Eunuchus?

My loue and seruice.

I did and't like your grace.

When sets the Sunne?

Some six houres hence.

It shall be done.

For marriage?

I can to please your Lordship:

Pantofle.

Thou hast bene at my pleasure indeed Pntofle, I will retreate into the country, hate this amourous, Court nd betake my selfe to obscurity: I tel thee boye I wil returne by this Cicyan Isle without transformation since Hebe hath discouered her secrets I will turne Ipter, hate the whole sexe of women, and onely embrace thee my Gammede.

Sfoot sir you are as passionate for the disloyalty of your Sempstresse as some needy knight would be for the losse of some rich magnificos widdow: doe you not see how the supporters of the Court, the Lady of the labby gape after your good parts like so many grigges after fresh water, and can you withhold the dew of your moyster element?

I tel thee should the Lady Iulia when she was aliue haue profered me her cheeke to kisse, I would not haue bowed to that painted image for her whole Dkedome: Mercury hd no good aspect in the horoscope of my natiuity: women and lotium are recipocall, their sauour is noysome.

Why her's a slaue in folio will seeme to slight the loue of a Pincsse, when he would willingly spend his talent on an oy∣ster wie.

Sirra Pantofle trusse vp my wardrobe: but withal publish my departure, I would willingly put my creditors to the chardge of garding me out of towne.

ill much scandalize your reputation for to depart indebted: you will be cursed heauily.

To depart in debted boy, is the onely way to be praid for, seeing they knowe it is my prosperity and welfare that must make them satisfaction.

Before heauen an excellent reason.

Pray Sir make euen with your Taylor, he is poore.

Most willingly, for I am not possest of a pennikin, and if he be not before with me, I take it we are euen, and may walke in campage. Pantofle vanish.

I haue it, thankes sweete Thalia, thou hast begot a child of mirth in my braine, I will put it to this creature of Flo∣rence to nrse: Saucy Seignior.

Eunuchus, Venus restore thee to thy generation: what doings are now in your quarters?

Doings: in faith courtly and weake: Cupid helpe the poore Ladyes.

you are aboue me, I meane not their ingenys or vpper galleries:

Nor I neither: and yet I speake of their vnderstandings, which by reason of a generall spring, halt and debility in their hamms (heauens know) are most falteringly feeble: but to pre∣sent the message I am sent for: to your worthiest self, from my La∣dy and mistresse the protectors wife: you are intelligent?

The beauteous Timoclea.

Heauens grant she may haue the vertue of attraction: for she hath laid open, the luster of her best parts to your grace Sir: nay make not retreate Sir: she knowes you disdaine her loue.

The truth is I am earthly, and like not to participate with the element of the fire: good Eunuchus commend me to your Lady, and tell her by importuning my affection, she seekes the fall of an innocent.

True Sir, but with a firme beliefe of your rising a∣gaine.

I see no hope of it.

The harder is her fortune: but heare me, me thinkes reward should pricke you on with more courage, to such an hono∣rable encounter.

Faith Eunuche I haue made a vow not to vncase my selfe to any of that sexe.

It may be you grounded your oath vpon the vncleanes of your shirt.

Verily since the relapse of my Sempstresse, I haue not addicted my selfe to that neat & cleanly carriage

Sfoot I thought some soule cause or other, interposed it selfe twixt you and my Lady: But sir, Ile see all wants supplyed, thy debts satisfied, thy fortunes eternally mounted: onely bee tractable to my poore loue-sicke Lady and mistresse, iust and lo∣uing.

As I am, so fates assist me: and Eunuchus here's my hand thou shalt haue ample share in my fortunes.

By this hand sir but I will not: doe not faile sir at eight of the clocke to meete me here, where Ile deliuer you the key of my Ladyes chamber: with further instructions in the businesse, and with assurednesse of preferment and promotion.

Deere Eunuch let me hugge thee: how I long to ma∣nifest thy seruice to my Lady Timoclea. You will meete?

My hand and promise for it.

THis is the houre I should meet my catamite Signior Bordella: I cannot but laugh to see the slaue make a lecherous progresse to Lucifer. The morall will hold rarely: he shall haue his braines fly about his eares in the hight of his vene∣ry: this instead of going to Tymoclea shall conduct him to the bed of Borgias: a midst whose waking plotts & state volutiōs, the amorous youth must needs be hartyly welcome: for mine owne part, my handshall be cleere from the blood of the goate & yet I could account it happinesse to be within eare shot of his depar∣ture, to here how lamentably the coxcombe would sigh out Ty∣moclea: but the best is, neither Court nor country wil much misse the foole: there are elder brothers inough to supply his roome: Enter Bordela. And see where the Cocoloch appeares: he passeth as if he would steale to hell without company: whist Signeor.

Eunuchus?

The same: now I see thou wilt stand to thy word.

Thy Ladie shall see that in my deeds Eunuchus if all the sweet meates in Florence be prouocatiue.

I Sir, but Ladyes are of the nature of Idols and will be serued on your knees.

True, were I not a man of warre whose vallour & mag∣nanimious courage is not to be deiected so long as his weapon holds.

Then I perceiue you will shortly be at my Ladies mercy

If I should, doubt not her gratious hand in my erection: but gentle Eunucus, the key that opens to the Via lactea:

Here Sir, and looke your entrance be warie, soft and circumspect.

I had thought an entrance rough, manly and boistrou had bene more pleasing to Ladyes: Enter Madam Fulsome, But see Eunuchus I shall be troubled I shall be tormented with this court owle if you assist me not: sfoote the flesh-fly hath espied me, she will neuer linne sucking at me so long as I haue any matter for her to worke vpon.

Who, Madam Fulsome the Gouernesse of the maides? she is a good creature and very musicall: she sets moe instruments a-worke then a Fidler: thou must needs loue her if it were but for her humilitie: she will bend her selfe to the meanest page of the Scullery: and she hates the pride of the flesh excedingly, and is knowne to be a mortifier of carnality.

I verily beleue it, for her very countenance and com∣plexion shewes she is able to allay any mans courage liuing with a breath.

Phego doe you espie no motions behind the arras, no squals, musslings, or pages standing sentinell? or because our head the Lady Iulia is dead, are al her seruants that is her members in the same predicament?

Surely I see no body stirring Lady: it is supper time and euery man is prouiding for the belly.

It will be shortly time for euery woman to prouide for the belly too, Pego a word with you.

What is that Phgo Eunuchus doe you know him?

How, know him, can I mistake him sir, that is neuer hoodwinckt? he is an extreme enemy to Haberdashers: affecting no blocke, but that which nature bestowed on him: and of that he hath bene so curious that it is not a haire amisse: he is sir the reface to your compoundresse of mans flesh, and Vshers her to mployment: and is a creature of singular patience; contenting himselfe with the Theory, when others are the Practique. In his pace he imitates Fensers, and stands much vpon distance: He is partly an Astronomer too, being much giuen to obseruation of signes: for when the Sunne is in Gemini the Dog-starre attends without doores: he is a great friend to Aries but naturally hates Pisces for it is a chill signe and cooles his toes ouer-vehemently: in briefe sir he is a Gentleman Vsher.

Sure Phego that should be sigior Bordello: I pray you in∣treate his approach: of all our Courtiers I loue men of his coun∣try and breeding, they are the louingst, best spoken, well gract creatures in these parts extant: I thinke it be giuen to those that be borne vnder your northren clyme, to thaw and melt away at the Sun-shine of beauty: you shall read in very late stories that many of them haue lost their best members in the seruice of La∣dyes and distressed wayting Gentlewomen.

I should account it none of my neerest mishaps, being interdicted so worthy a presence by more then vrgent affaires. Sweet Sir beare my excuse with all respectiue desire of pardon.

Whether Signior Bordello in such post-hast: you forget your old friends: when you came first to Court, you and I were more inward man.

Being vpon my departure Lady, I am inforced to see to the conuaying of my goods, and the trussing away of my bagage.

And that word bagage (I will besworne) had bene an apt phrase for his bringing in, but you purpose not I hope signior to depart Flrence altogether.

Oh no: his flight Lady is like the Rauens, that hauing spied a fat carckase, romes about to calmore of her fellowes to the prey.

But signior, haue you so fully furnished your discours with obseruation, as with so slight a view of our Gentlewomen to make a departure? indeed signiour the Ladyes of your country will exact some obseruatiue relate of your trauels vpon your re∣turne.

For our Ladyes Madam they are few or none, our coun∣trey men are not so addicted to titles of honour: they vse knight∣hood as rich Iewellers desire Iemms rather for traficque then or∣nament.

Is there any commoditie to be had in the purchase ir?

Great Commoditie, and that is the reason so many mar∣chants and yeomen sonnes hunt after it.

Belike this is one of your obseruations: pray sir be more open: I see you haue profited much since your comming.

For the bettring of mine inward parts, some few notions I haue committed to memory.

Since my comming to Florence I haue seene ignorance in the shape of a Citizen mufled in the scarlet of magistracy that coul not write his owne name. Generally I haue noted through the whole Country great enmity betweene witt and clokes lin'd through with veluet: and yet beggers & gallants agree together very fmiliarly. There is no thriuing but by impudence and pan∣arisme: he that is furnished with one of these two quallities shal begg more of a foolish Lord at a marbone breakfast, then all the Poets in the whole towne shall rime out of him in an age:

ut thse are but petty obseruations: I haue seene since my comming to Florence the sonne of a Pedler mounted on a foote cloth: a fellow created a Lord for the smothnsse of his chinne: and which is more; I haue seene a capp most my racu∣lously turnd into a beauer hatt without either trimming or dres∣sing.

That is strange indeed: Signior and Eunuchus, we are to presse you to a further curtesy in meeting vs in the lobby some two houres hence at a posset.

You shall finde vs as forward in as hot a seruice in the Lobby or elsewhere at your Ladiships appoint, but—

We must haue no denyall.

Cans not say the Court-grace? promise man promise.

Your Ladiship shall finde vs ready to put in— our spoones.

Till then adiew Signior and Eunuchus. Phego forward.

So long as my ham-strings hold. Exeunt.

You see Eunuchus, familliarity and curtesie hath en∣wrapt me in the knowledge of these meanest vassels of honour: but henceforth my countenance shalbe estranged, and I wil bury my acquaintance in scilence.

I thinke the Cuckoe foresings his owne dirdge: Signi∣or, you shall neede no further prescriptions: in the carriere of your delight, vouchsafe a thought of Eunchus, you conceiue me Sir, manifest my seruice to Timoclea.

I were inhumaine if I should forget you the latest mi∣nute of my life: pray heauens my Page Pantofle haue procured in my absence the embrodered shirt I gaue directions for vpon both our wardrops: that care once ouer, I shal neuer henceforth taste of lowsie misfortune.

Priapus thou womans God assist me with a Iouiall abi∣lity: this night I may beget a Hercules: Fortune I must con∣fesse thou hast turnd vp thy muffler, and cast a gratious aspect on Bordello: for I am not onely in the state of cleane linnen; but also thou hast made me gratious in the eye of Signior Diaspermaton my Apothecary, who hath furnished me with this receipt: heere is a compound of Cantharids Diositerion, marrow of an Oxe, haires of a Lyon, stones of a Goate, Cock-sparrowes braines, and such like this after an houres receipt, hath a fourefold operation: and least I should be like a Peacocke all taile and no heart, heere is a distillation of ten pound a pinte, that comforts the inward, fires the braines, cheeres vp the spirit, and makes a man lay about him like a dutchman. Let me see, it is more then time that I commit this deuine pill to his hopefull working: least my staffe be out of the rest when my aduersary is in the carriere. So Cupids faire mother be thy mid wife: out and alas I am mare rid, what Som∣ners Ghost or limme of Lucifer, puts poore Bordello in minde of pennance before he hath trespassed?

Se, it makes toward me: infortunate Bordello that the de∣uill should be an enemy to lechery.

It is not the first time I haue bene constrained to puffe and blow in your Ladiships seruice.

It hath oft come in my minde to knowe the deriuation and denomination of this word posset?

I take it that it comes of the Latin word posse to make a man able: and that's the reason euer after eating them, men de∣sire to make experience of their forces.

I rather conceaue it comes of the word pono of putting together, for that your possets are the vsuall meanes of congregating, putting and combining your Court creatures to∣gether.

And that may well be: for I remember that reuerent pedagoge William Lilly, brings in gigno, pono, can, one in the necke of another, gigno to beget, pono to put in, and cano to sing.

That Lilly was a beastly knaue to put pono behind gigno there is no musique in it: but all this time we misse not Signior Bordello, it hath not be his custome to be absent where his chops might haue had imployment.

You speake of the dayes of hunger, when the slaue was a straunger in the land of Hauilah: but the word is retrograde: the last age is a golden age with him.

See where the sonne of Saturne appeares.

Soot I thought the Dog-fish had bene bayting Cerberus ere this time.

Ladies did you not see a spirit passe this way?

Thou seest we are feeding the flesh man, what doost thou talke of the spirit?

Without iest a meere Ghost, standing bolt vpright at Timocleas chamber, so nye Court Incubus on my life.

Were you not much terrified Signior with the appari∣tion?

How: terrefied? I no sooner beheld it, but drawing my better parts together Enter Timoclea. Helpe, helpe! All run out, Timoclea followes the Eunuch out.

The rumours strange I pray possesse me with your propper knowledge.

You shall vnderstand Sir, that according to my funct∣ion, giuing neere attendance to my Lady, she being feruently imployed in the Lobby, bout a mixture or composure of (as we vulgarly tearme it) a posset: vpon our first entrance, ere we had relisht the sweete of her sweete, that is the fruit of her labors, we were suddainely assayled by a she-goblin: to describe it Sir I am not able, for my eye-sight turn'd inward to looke after my heart that was running from my heeles, yet thankes to the lancknesse of my calfe they made reasonable haste.

A ghost a ghost. Exit Borgia

S'foot my office is italianated, I am faine to come be∣hinde.

Was euer man thus distracted betweene the flesh and the spirit? s'foot this Pill hath so fiered my mansion that vnlesse I light on some water-worke, I shall loose the rains like a second Phaeton, and burne my Fabricke. Surely I am that Tantalus the hungry Poets talke of, and am as dry as an Eele in a sand-bagge, and yet want water for the reaching: Let me see, why should I feare spirits that haue raised vp such an able one at my pleasure, that like a bold Orator stands on tip-toes to speake in Barre: and yet me thinkes he should be no good pleader, he was so suddenly deiected and out of countenance with an apparition. I would the case were laid open, that I might see how my young mooter would bestir himselfe: Ha: who is this? no more ghosts I hope: if it be it is the more womanlie of the two. She lyes as if she knewe the end of her creation. On my life some wayting mayde that hath a Court Epilepsie come vpon her: Ile see if she fome at the mouth. Out & alas, the heauens haue conspired poore Bordellos ouerthrowe. The vertuous Timoclea wretched and most accursed hands, that haue trust vp my fortunes in thy Elfe-knot.

Respect your guard great Duke. Villaine what art thou

A most deiected parcell of mans flesh.

Wrong: heauens knowe I meant to haue done her a much right as could haue bene done to one of her sexe.

Alas Sir my shaking proceedes of a standing ague I haue had this two houres.