Good morrow Master Tim .

Morrow Sim , my father stirring Sim ?

Not yet I thinke , he heard some ill newes of your Brother Alexander last night , that will make him lye an houre extraordinarie .

Hum , I am sorry the old man should lye by the hower , but oh , these wicked Elder Brothers , that sweare refuse them , and drinke nothing but wicked Sacke , when wee sweare nothing but niggers noggers , make a meale of a bloate Herring , water it with foure shillings Beere , and then sweare wee have dined as well as my Lord Maior .

Here was Goody Finne the fish-woman fetcht home her Ring last night .

Yee should have put her money by her selfe , for feare of wronging of the whole heape .

So I did sir and washt it first in two waters .

All these petty pavvnes sirrah , my Father committs to my managing , to instruct me in this craft , that when he dyes , the common-wealth may want a good member .

Nay , you are curst as much as he already .

Oh Brother , 'tis well you are up .

Now you shall see the dainty Widdow , the sweete Widdow , the delicate Widdovv , that to morrow morning must bee our Mother in Lavv .

What the Widdow Nagge .

Yes , yes , she that dwells in Blacke-fryers , next to the signe of the Foole laughing at a feather .

Shee , shee , good Brother make your selfe handsome , for my father will bring her hither presently .

niggers noggers , I thought hee had bene sicke and had not bene up Sim .

Why so did I too , but it seemes the Widdow tooke him at a better hand , and rais'd him so much the sooner .

While I tye my Band , prethee stroke up my fore-toppe a little , Niggers , and I had but dreamed of this an houre before I wak't , I wood have put on my Sunday cloathes , 'snailes my shooes are as pale as the cheeke of a stewd Pander , a clout , a clout Sim .

More hast , the vvorse speed , here's ne're a clout now .

Whats that lyes by the bookes ?

This 'tis a Sumners coate .

Prithee lends a sleeve of that , had a Noble on't last night , and neuer paid me my Bill money .

Looke , looke vpon , and ready , all ready Widdow is , he is in some deepe discourse with Sim , concerning moneyes out to one or another .

Has he sayd his prayers sir ?

Prayer before providence , when did yee know any thrive , and swell that uses it , hee's a chip o'th old blocke , I exercise him in the trade of thrift , by turning him to all the petty pawnes , If they come to me , I tell 'em I haue given over Brokering , moyling for mucke and trash , and that I meane to live a life Monasticke , a praying life , pull out the tayle of Cressus from my pocket , and sweare 'tis cal'd Charities looking glasse , or an exhortation to forsake the World .

Dainty Hypocrite .

Peace .

Trust me a thrifty sawe .

Many will have vertuous admonitions on their walles , but not a piece in their coffers , give mee these vvittie politique sawes , and indeed my house is furnisht vvith no other .

Hovv happy shall I be to vved such vvisedome .

Shall bed it , shall bed it wench , shalt ha't by infusion , looke , looke . Enter a Smith .

Save ye Master Tim .

Who's this , goodman fyle the black-smith , I thought 'had beene our old collier : did you goe to bed vvith that durty face goodman fyle ?

And rise vvith it too sir .

What have you bumming out there goodman fyle ?

A vice sir , that I would faine bee furnisht vvith a little money upon't .

Why how vvill you doe to vvorke then goodman fyle ?

This is my spare vice , not that I live by .

Hum , yee did not buy this spare vice of a leane Courtier , did yee ?

No sir , of a fat Cooke , that strain'd of a Smith for's rent .

Oh hard hearted man of grease .

Nay , nay , Sim , vve must doo't sometimes .

Ha thrifty whorsonne .

And vvhat wood serue your turne goodman fyle ?

A Noble Sir .

What upon a spare vice to lend a Noble ?

Why sir , for ten groats you may make your selfe drunke , and so buy a vice outright for halfe the money .

That is no noble vice I assure ye .

How long vvood ye have it !

But a fortnight , 'tis to buy stuffe I protest sir .

Looke ye being a neighbour , and borne one for another .

There is five shillings uppon't , which at the fortnights end goodman Fyle you must make five shillings sixe pence .

How sir ?

Nay and it were not to doe you a curtesie —

Ha Boy .

And then I had forgot three pence for my Bill , so there is foure pence , and nine pence , which you are to tender backe , five shillings sixe pence , goodman Fyle at the end of the fortnight .

Well and it were not for earnest necessitie , hay boyes , I come , I come , you blacke rascalls , let the Cans goe round .

Sim , because the man's an honest man , I pray lay up his Vice , as safe as it were your owne .

And if hee misse his day , and forfeit , it shall bee yours and your heires for ever .

What , disbursing money boy ? here is thy mother in law

Your nose drops , 'twill spoyle her ruffe .

Pray forsooth — what's a clocke .

Oh fie upon him Mistresse , I thought he had begunne to aske you blessing .

Peace , vveele have more on't . Walk's towards him .

I wonnot kisse indeed .

And he wonnot , here are those that will forsooth .

Get ye in you Rogue .

I hope yee will Sir ? I was bred in Ireland where the women beginne the salutation .

I wonnot kisse truely .

Indeed you must .

Wood my girdle may breake if I doe .

I have a minde .

niggers noggers I wonnot .

Nay nay , novv his great oath's past , ther's no talke on't , I like him nere the worse , ther's an old savv sort ,

But he can talke though , whose Boy are you Tim ?

Your boy forsooth Father .

Can ye turne and vvind a penny Tim .

Better then yourselfe forsooth father .

Tvvo and tvventy yeeres , three moneths , three dayes , and three quarters of an houre , forsooth Father .

He has Arethmaticke .

And Grammer too , vvhat's Latine for your head Tim ?

Caput .

But vvhat for the head of a blocke ?

Caput blockhead .

Doe ye heare , your eare .

Aura .

Your eye .

Occules .

That's for one eye , vvhat's Latine for tvvo .

Occulies , occulies .

An admirable accidentall Gramarian I protest sir .

This boy shall have all , I have an elder rogue that sucks and dravves mee , a Taverne Accademian : one that protests to Whores , and shires vvith High-vvay lavvyers ; an arrant unclarified Rogue , that drinkes nothing but vvicked Sacke .

Here's a Gentleman would speake with you ,

Looke , looke , novv hee's come for more money .

A very hopefull house to match into wench , the Father a Knave , one sonne a drunkard , and tother a foole .

O monster Father , looke if hee bee not drunke , the very sight of him makes me long for a cup of sixe .

Pray Father , pray to God to blesse me .

Looke , looke , takes his brother for his Father .

Alas Sir , when the drink's in , the wit's out , and none but wise children know their owne Fathers .

Why I am none of your Father , brother , I am Tim , doe ye know Tim .

Yes , umph — for a coxecombe .

How wild he lookes : good sir weele take our leaves .

Shalt not goe faith Widdow : you Cheater Rogue , must I ha my friends frighted out my house by you , looke heele steale nothing to feast his Bawdes , get ye out sirrah , there are Constables , Beadles , whips , and the Colledge of extravaging , Eclipt Bridewell yee Rogue , yee Rogue there is , there is — marke that .

Can you send mee a Marke vpon this Ring sir , and there set it downe in your Booke , and vmph — marke that .

Ile have no stolne Rings , pickt out of pockets , or taken upon the way , not I .

Ile give you an old saw for't .

There's a Rogue mocks his Father , sirrah , get ' ye gone , Sim , goe let loose the Mastiffe .

Alas sir , heele teare and pull out your sonnes throate .

Better pul't out , then a halter stretch't , away out of my doores rogue , I defie thee .

Must you be my Mother in Law ?

So your father sayes sir .

You see the worst of your eldest sonne , I abuse no body .

The Rogue will fall upon her .

I will tell ye an old sawe .

Pray let's heare it .

Did yee ever heare such a Rascall ? come come , let's leaue him : Ile goe buy thy wedding Ring presently , y'are best bee gone sirrah : I am going for the Constable , I and one of the Church-wardens , and now I thinke on't , hee shall pay five shillings to the poore for being drunke , twelve pence shall goe into the boxe , and tother foure , my partner and weele share betwixt us , there's a new path to thrift wench , wee must live , wee must live girle .

And at last die for altogether .

'Tis a Dyamond .

Youle be at the fountaine after dinner ?

White , twill runne boy .

Here's a noble now , and Ile bring you tother as I come by to the Taverne , but Ile make you sweare , I shall drinke nothing but small Beere .

Niggers naggers thou shalt not , there's thine owne oath for thee , thou shalt eate nothing and thou woo't , but a poacht spider , and driue it downe with sirrup of Toads . Exit .

Ah , prithee Sim bid the maid eate my breakefast her selfe .

Has turn'd his stomacke , for all the World like a Puritanes , at the sight of a surplesse , but your breakefast shall bee devoured by a stomacke of a stronger constitution I warrant you . Exit .

No Game abroad this morning , this Coxecombe Parke , I thinke bee past the best , I have knowne the time the bottome twixt these hilles has beene better fledg'd .

Looke out Captaine , there's matter of imployment at foote o'th hill .

A businesse ?

Yes , and hopefull , there's a morning bird , his flight it seemes for London , hee hallowes and sings sweetely , prithee let us goe and put him out of tune .

Thee and I haue Cratchets in our pates , and thou knowest two Crotchets make one quaver , he shall shake fort . Exit .

Well , was neuer mortall man in Wales , coo'd have wagd praver , finers , and nimblers , then Randals have done , to get service in Londons : whoope , vvhere vvas her novv , just upon a bridge of stone , between the legs of a couple of pretty hils , but no more nere mountaines in Wales , then Clim of the Cloughes bowe , to her Cozen Davids Harpe , and now her prattle of Davie , I thinke yonder come prancing down the hils from Kingstone a coupl of her tother cozens Saint Nicholas Clarks . the morning was so red as an egge , and the place very full of dangers , perills , and bloody businesses by reports : augh her swords was drawne , God plesse us and her cozen Hercules was not stand against too , which shall her take if they take Randalls , will rippe Randals cutts out , and then Randals shall see Pawles steeples no more , therefore her will goe directly vnder the bridge , here was but standing to knees in little fine coole faire waters , and becat if her have Randalls out , her shall come and fetch Randalls and her will , were her nineteene Nicholas Clearkes . Exit .

Which way tooke hee ?

On streight I thinke .

Then we should see him man , hee was just in mine eye when we were at foot o'th hill , and to my thinking stood here looking towards us upon the bridge .

So thought I , but with the cloud of dust wee rais'd about us , with the speed our horses made : it seemes we lost him , how I could stampe and bite my horses eares off .

Let's spurre towards Coomb house , he strucke that way , sure hee's not upon the Roade .

'Sfoot if wee misse him , how shall vvee keepe our word with Sander Bloodhound in Fleetstreete after dinner at the Fountaine , hee's out of cash , and thou knowest by Cutters Law , wee are bound to relieve one another .

Let's scowre towards Coomb house , but if we misse him .

No matter , dost see yonder Barne o'th left hand ?

What of that ?

Dost know the place to fetch it againe ?

Away , let's spurre . Exit .

Spurre did her call her , have made Randals stand without bootes , in ferry pittifull pickles , but her will run as nimbles to Londons , as Greyhound after Rabbits , and yet now her remember what her Cozens talkt , was some wiser and some too , Randals heard talke of Parne upon left hand , and a prave bag with hundred pounds in round shillings Cod plesse us , and yonder was Parnes and upon left hands too , now here was questions , & demands to be made , why Randals should not rob them would rob Randals , her will goe to parnes , plucke away pords , pull out paggs , and shew her cozen a round paire of heeles , with aule her round sillings , marke her now . Exit .

The Rogue rise right , and has out stript us this was staying in Kingstone with our unlucky Hostesse , that must be dandled , and made drunke next her heart , she made us slip the very Creame o'th morning , if any thing stand augward , a woman's at one end on't .

Come , we have a hundred pieces good yet in the Barne , they shall last us , and Saunder a moneths mirth at least .

Oh these sweete hundred pieces , how I will kisse ye , and hugge ye with that zeale a Vsurer does his bastard money , when hee comes from Church , wert not for them , where were our hopes , but come , they shall bee sure to thunder in the Taverns , I but now , just now I see pottle pots throwne downe the stayres , just like Serieants and Yeomen , one i'th necke of another .

Delicate vision . Exeunt . Ent. Ran.

Her have got her pag and aule by the hand , and her had ferrily thought in conscience , had not bin so many round shillings in whole worlds but in Wales , twas time to supply her store , her had but thirteene pence halfe penny in awle the worlds , and that her have left in her little vvhite purse , with a rope her found py the parne , just in the place her had this : Randals will bee no serving mans now , her will buy her prave Parrells , prave Swords , prave Taggers , and praue Feathers , and goe a wooing to prave comely pretty maids , rob Randalls , becat and her were ten dozens of cozens , Randals rob her , marke her now . Exit .

A plague of Friday mornings , the unfortunate day in the whole weeke .

Was ever the like sate , 'sfoote when I put it in I was so wary , though it were midnight , that I watcht till a cloud had mask't the Moone , for feare shee should have seen't .

Oh lucke .

A Gale of wind did but creepe ore the bottome , and because I heard things stirre , I staied , 'twas twelvescore past mee .

The pottle pots will sleepe in peace to night .

And the sweete clinkes .

The clattering of pipes .

The Spanish fumes .

The more wine boy , the nimble anon , anon sir .

All to night will be nothing , come wee must shift , sfoot what a vvitty rogue 'tvvas to leave , this faire thirteen pence halfepenny , and this old halter , intimating aptly .

Come , come , vve must make friends . Exeunt .

There sirrah , there's his bond , runne into the Strand , sixe weekes the Tallow Chandler fetcht my hundred marke I lent him to set him up , and to buy grease , this is his day , Ile have his bones for't else , so pray tell him .

But are a Chandlers ones worth so much Father ?

Out Coxecombe .

Masse that's true .

And runne to Master Eare-lacks the informer , in Theeving lane , and aske him what he has done in my businesse he gets aboundance , and if he carry my cause with one false oath , he shall have Moll , he vvill take her with a little , are yee gone Sir ?

No forsooth .

As yee come by Temple-barre , make a steppe to'th Divell .

To the Divell father ?

My Master meanes the signe of the Divell .

And he cannot hurt ye foole , ther's a Saint holds him by the nose .

Sniggers , what does the Divell and a Saint both in a signe ?

What a question's that , what does my Master , and his prayer booke a Sunday both in a pew ?

Well , well , ye Gipsy , what do wee both in a pew ?